back to normal

Well, it happens that I feel so fucked up lately. My dad is back in the hospital (it's actually more of a clinic), and he's bad agan. Now everybody has been saying (doctors, I mean) that my dad will not make it through May. It's awful to go to sleep everyday thinking that when I wake up, I might have lost him already. So I can't sleep anymore. Plus two days ago, I dreamt of a huge rat, it was so grotesque. What happened was that I was getting into my house, through the kitchen door, I was right behind my brother, and then I looked down, and a huge and disgusting rat was staring at me. I screamed, and my brother stepped over it, and just crashed it, as if it had been a tremendously big spider. It was a sort of bad dream, and I hadn't dreamt in years... wonder if that means anything.

It's funny how lately I'm so sensitive. Like, I've always been inseccure, but it's sort of increased these last times. I feel like crying all the time, and I feel like I'm good for nothing, or I feel like I'm being judged whenever anyone says anything, specially in my family. Gosh, I'm mad at myself for being like that lately...

And I'm feeling so lonely, I lost contact with my friends, but I feel so much like they don't care, they know I'm going through rough times, but they never call...

Fuck, I just want to go back to normal.