what´s new

Ok, I have some time before my next class, so I'll update some of the latest events in my life.

Well, first of all, my dad is fine, thought our new concept of fine means that he is still alive and with us, not necessarilly in the best conditions. I just see how he is getting thinner and thinner everyday. It's really scary to see how he is constantly getting worse, phycologically. He is always down, cause he gets tired of walking two meters, and finds it hard even to hang his own clothes in his closet. We need to do everything for him, even when he is slightly better, because he has no energy left.
We've tried with almost everything, and nothing relives his pain. It's very frustrating for us to see how he's ending up. My dad used to be so strong and supportive, and now it's hard for him to do everything.
In a sense, I'm in a state of constant denial. I don't want to accept that he is really sick, so I get upset whenever he asks me to do anything, cause I still think that he is just lazy and could do it himslef, when I'm actually the one who's lazy and don't want to accept his condition.
It's really weird to be going through this, though I'm not the only one like this in the world, I can't think I'm a victim anymore, cause I'm not. But I just feel like I want my life to move on, I don't want to waste any more of my time, which is soooo selfish. I don't know what I should do.

Lately, I feel so exhausted. I'm sick, just got the flu and a strong throat ache, which I shouldn't cmplain about, cause I was not taking enough care of myself. I was being very careless, so I just got sick. I'm not eating again, and I'm losing more weight... which is scary for my parents, but I'm actualy glad for it. I'll try to start with some vitains if I find the money to afford them. All of what I earn at my job goes to my Gastronomy Classes, they're quite expensive, but they're also a relief from all this crap.

Sille will be coming very soon, and I'm very exited to see her again. When Laura came I was somewhat sceptic of her actually seeing me here, cause I feel totally different, plus I never felt like I knew her well enough. But it was so good she came, she did it on the precise moment. My parents needed a sort of release, or something to relax them a bit. My dad was still working and wasn't as bad as he is now. So it was really easy for me to ask them to have Laura stay at home with us. When she did, they totally lved her, and now they consider her to be their "finish daughter", which I think is totally awesome, they really needed someone like her.
I think that things happen for a reason, so Sille might be coming for something, other than just her Third Year Option. I really think so.

I really hope I can finish with all of this. One day quit my job at TracFone and have the help from my mom to pay for my expenses, until I have soemthing more convenient for my future. I mean, I can't work at a Call Centre all my life! I was to be a good Chef someday open my restaurant with my friend Danielita, and also be a famous Anthropologist, who is known for her great evaluations of the strangest and most interesting cultutres lost in the wild Amazonas or the far South East Asia, or Africa.

Someday, I hope, things will go back to normal again. Those days when I'd go back home, and have lunch with my parents, I'd ask my dad how was his day at the office and he'd say: "Sort of good and sort of bad", and I'd know his day was just as normal as mine. And I'd go with him to the North of the city, he'd drive me to a meeting or pick me up late at night. My mother would be at home teaching her students, or would be doing some tramits, or just at a Café with her friends; and my sister would be telling me all about what has been happening to her lately, and we'd chatting till late hours at night. My brother would be telling me some of his good and bad sides of the day, or I'd be smoking a cigarrette with him in his room, with the sun light in both of our faces.

Those good ol' times will come backsome day I hope...